Yesterday my life finally made a turn – even if in silence, but I want to stay focused on what matters right now. I received the first paycheck working as application programmer. It looked pretty neat, but just didn’t feel how I wanted the experience to feel.
I began raising my own money with 15 – whilst being completely abandoned from my parents before I even was born since the age of 18. And even though I didn’t get any nameable help from any social institution and had few to back me up, I always had my own apartment, but lived far below what Germany considers minimal standard of living. In the struggle, I didn’t miss too many opportunities to screw things up – my CV looks kinda awkward, which lead to a few unpleasant incidents, while my social life has been so screwed, I can’t even tell without writing a series of novels about it.
Now, there I am, finally earning 4k CHF a month net. Still a student, still trying to do his best, still having to deal with my screwed history. I thought yesterday could finally be a turning point, but the punch in the stomach I received just a couple of minutes ago proved otherwise. I won’t write about it, because it hurts too much – if I could instantly forget it, I wouldn’t hesitate. Putting it into text would certainly prove to be a stupid idea.
I have to change my way of living, of dealing with my needs and those of others. I have to stick to top priorities and stop taking big chances; history showed me they don’t pay off – and it really doesn’t matter how much I want them to do just that. There is only one life I can live at the moment; it is precious and fragile – I want it to be good, it will be good I say.
Finally I have the ressources to impose change and if I don’t do it now, I will some time die an old and inwardly discontent man like so many before me.
What is this post about? Switzerland of course! The country of love, peace and infinite possibilities! I am glad that I can be here, I am thankful and I want to make this time worthwhile. Thanks for reading, visitor. I appreciate it.